Wednesday, May 4

Metareview: Worst Review Ever

Pitchfork has always been one of my love-to-hate-it destinations. But this review is just so incredibly terrible, the utter badness of it has got to be some sort of joke I'm not getting. And that makes me feel dumb, which is the point of the whole Indie Rock Review Scene anyway, I guess.

Here's my attempt to imitate the writing in this review. Tell me how I'm doing!
Track 1 is a song that I think is a song I don't like. Hey, it sucks. And the track isn't very good and hey, isn't ben folds a guy? Hey, let's say hey again. It's not like hey, I can't contradict myself in the same sentence as this one.

Track 2: Instead of a banana, this is a song that is sitting on a desk I once ate. Propulsive, opening, swirling, gerunds never grow me bored. My attempt at a witty simile is as awkward as a an attempt at awkwardness by, yes, an awkward aardvark (hey that's a lot of a's.)

Tracks I can't count that high: Hey, do something I like and I'll say I don't like it. This song opens with a an opening and then hey, something after that (hey, isn't that hey hey hey!) What a cop-out.

If Ben Folds plays piano, then yes, I'll conclude this sentence with a random non sequitur. Yes, I changed my mind and didn't know what to do with the diaper. And when I'm done, there's a word I'll use one more time, yes, it's hey. Yes too is a word I overuse. And hey, I'm a scared little boy, I never meant any of the stuff I meant, this is a comma splice because there's no coordinating conjunction after, yes, the comma. Hey.

1 comment:

Fraxas said...

dead spot on. A review review to make review reviewers dance and reviewers cry.

and cry and cry.